Saturday, August 12, 2006

Real Life Biblical Answers For Real Life Problems "Fatal Attractions"

by Pastor Michael Eaton
This Q&A series is from my book “How To Be Bless As A Christian Single." You can get a copy of the book at http://www.holidayhillsbaptistchurch.com/eBooks.html.
Question:
I am in love with a young man who reminds me of my father. My friends, family, and not even the pastor of my church do not like him. But, I love him. They keep telling me to look at the red flags in our relationship. I can not see any flags and to tell you the truth I do not even know what they are talking about. Is there something wrong with me because I can not see what they are talking about?

Danger! Danger!…Watch yourself…Before you get beside yourself…Danger! Danger! (Hip Hop Song: Mystikal featuring Nivea)

Fatal Attractions

A prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. NLT Proverbs 22:3

I can truly relate to this question. It is from my own personal pilgrimage that I try to teach singles how to see danger in their relationships so you can take precaution. You said that the young man reminds you of your father and this maybe why you can not see any “red flags.” Most likely the model of your father is not a Godly model of the kind of man you should be looking. I say this only because you have so many people in your life who love you saying that this man is not good for you. If you love your father and he was not a good image of a man for you, you will have to get a new image of a man.


Some counselors like to talk about “red flags” and “pink elephants” to describe a dysfunctional relationship or family situation. In Dr. Susan Forward’s book, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy And Reclaiming Your Life, she shares a letter from a woman named Janet. She then gives her insight into the toxic families:

“ . . . what I realized was that not only was my husband abusive, but that I had come from several generations of victimized women and abusive men.” Even though the cast of characters may change, the repetitive cycle of toxic behavior can remain for generations on end. The family drama may look and sound different from generation to generation, but all toxic patterns are remarkably similar in their outcome: pain and suffering."

Maybe the reason you can not see “red flags” or “pink elephants” is because you grow up in a toxic family environment were “red flags” or “pink elephants” are the norm. I personally could not see the “red flags” of toxic relationships because I grow up saluting those “red flags” every day.

As a matter of fact, I saluted and pledge aligns to those “red flags” everyday. I could not see the big “pink elephant” because the pink elephant was the family pet. I took the pink elephant for walks every day. I feed that pink elephant every day. I clean up after the pink elephant that was not house broken. I loved the pink elephant. This was the cycle of toxic behavior that I was involved.

I loved my family. I grow up and left home. Went I decided to get married I went looking for a woman who had “red flags” and “pink elephants.” If a woman did not have these “red flags” and “pink elephants” I did not feel at home with her. How could I marry a woman who did not feel like home or family? To me these “red flags” and “pink
elephants” were not warning signs. These where signs that were leading me home. However, these signs were leading me in the same kind of cycle of toxic relationships that has run in my family from generation to generation.

Please pick-up a copy of my book, “How to Choose a Worthy Mate and Find True Love by Breaking the Cycle of Generational Curses.” This book
will help you acquire the insights that you need to make right choices in relationships.

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