Saturday, August 12, 2006

Real Life Biblical Answers For Real Life Problems "Fatal Attractions"

by Pastor Michael Eaton
This Q&A series is from my book “How To Be Bless As A Christian Single." You can get a copy of the book at
I am in love with a young man who reminds me of my father. My friends, family, and not even the pastor of my church do not like him. But, I love him. They keep telling me to look at the red flags in our relationship. I can not see any flags and to tell you the truth I do not even know what they are talking about. Is there something wrong with me because I can not see what they are talking about?

Danger! Danger!…Watch yourself…Before you get beside yourself…Danger! Danger! (Hip Hop Song: Mystikal featuring Nivea)

Fatal Attractions

A prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. NLT Proverbs 22:3

I can truly relate to this question. It is from my own personal pilgrimage that I try to teach singles how to see danger in their relationships so you can take precaution. You said that the young man reminds you of your father and this maybe why you can not see any “red flags.” Most likely the model of your father is not a Godly model of the kind of man you should be looking. I say this only because you have so many people in your life who love you saying that this man is not good for you. If you love your father and he was not a good image of a man for you, you will have to get a new image of a man.

Some counselors like to talk about “red flags” and “pink elephants” to describe a dysfunctional relationship or family situation. In Dr. Susan Forward’s book, Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy And Reclaiming Your Life, she shares a letter from a woman named Janet. She then gives her insight into the toxic families:

“ . . . what I realized was that not only was my husband abusive, but that I had come from several generations of victimized women and abusive men.” Even though the cast of characters may change, the repetitive cycle of toxic behavior can remain for generations on end. The family drama may look and sound different from generation to generation, but all toxic patterns are remarkably similar in their outcome: pain and suffering."

Maybe the reason you can not see “red flags” or “pink elephants” is because you grow up in a toxic family environment were “red flags” or “pink elephants” are the norm. I personally could not see the “red flags” of toxic relationships because I grow up saluting those “red flags” every day.

As a matter of fact, I saluted and pledge aligns to those “red flags” everyday. I could not see the big “pink elephant” because the pink elephant was the family pet. I took the pink elephant for walks every day. I feed that pink elephant every day. I clean up after the pink elephant that was not house broken. I loved the pink elephant. This was the cycle of toxic behavior that I was involved.

I loved my family. I grow up and left home. Went I decided to get married I went looking for a woman who had “red flags” and “pink elephants.” If a woman did not have these “red flags” and “pink elephants” I did not feel at home with her. How could I marry a woman who did not feel like home or family? To me these “red flags” and “pink
elephants” were not warning signs. These where signs that were leading me home. However, these signs were leading me in the same kind of cycle of toxic relationships that has run in my family from generation to generation.

Please pick-up a copy of my book, “How to Choose a Worthy Mate and Find True Love by Breaking the Cycle of Generational Curses.” This book
will help you acquire the insights that you need to make right choices in relationships.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Real Life Biblical Answers for Real Life Problems "The One"

by Pastor Michael Eaton

This Q&A series is from my book “How To Be Bless As A Christian Single." You can get a copy of the book at

1. Is it better for me to live my life single and service the Lord or should I give in to the pressures of my family, friends, members of my church, and society at large who all are saying in one chorus of voices that I should be looking for “the one” to marry?

“The One”

But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord. 1 Cor. 7:32-35

First of all let me let you know the you are not alone in your singleness. The U.S. Census says the number of unmarried adults in the United States as of March 2001 is as following:

51 million had never been married. 21
million were currently divorced. 14
million were widowed. The singles of
the US made up 86 million. This is
almost half the U.S. pollution.

Also let me let you know that you are not alone in your frustration and discrimination with your family, society at large and sadly to say even the church. Many of the early church fathers and mothers (like Dr. Luke, Lydia, Barnabas, Timothy, Mary, Martha, Lazarus, Phoebe, Paul and Jesus Christ himself) were single. In sprite of this fact many singles in our day and time feel like they are exiles in the church. Many pastors who are single will not be considered by pastor search committees to fill a senior pastor position. I myself have had churches discriminate again for me for a senior pastor position simply because I was single.

George Brana says that 94% of Senior Pastor is married. With singleness being the only reason many pastorless church disqualify would be pastors, sadly to say in our times Jesus Christ could not pastor His church. In our times Paul would not be able to pastor the churches he started. Many of the churches would be reading only half the New Testament. The reason being is because Paul wrote half the New Testament to the churches he started. With out singles in the bible there would be no salvation, no church, no New Testament, no gentile churches in America.

The Church of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is in many ways distracted by the things of this world. We would see a great harvest if your family, friends, people at the church and society at large would share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. However it seems that our whole society is sharing the gospel of married life. Marriage is not eternal. The bible says that there will be no marriage in heaven.

Mark 12:25 says, “For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” Marriage is not a destination. It is a method of travel. The best method of travel in the servant to our Lord and Jesus Christ, the bibles says is singleness. That is why so many of the early leaders of the church were single.

This bring me to answering your question. Biblical singleness is to be a time of single minded devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ. It is not to be a time of single minded distraction to finding a mate or “the one.” If you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you already have “The One.” I, like Paul would want you to spend your singleness in undistracted devotion to the Lord. Be holy both in body and spirit and think of how you may please the Lord.